The Real Me

No one ever sees the real me
For I wear different masks
To hide this pain on my soul
Not revealing my true face

My smile hides tears of my eyes
Because I am haunted by my past
Finding I can never let it go
And put away all of my demons

My friends keep me feeling strong
Keep me feeling strong at times
Giving me the quest for having hope
I know that they will be there

But I still feel isolated and alone
Scared to show just who I am
Allow that glimmer of myself free
Because of the fear of being hurt

I will never change this soul, this heart
Loved ones of the past, shaped this man
But they are gone, their memories live on
I can feel their spirits touch me in the dark

I thought I could cope, I could forget
But the darkness of my mind comes creeping
And I feel myself still burning in the pits of Hell
I can still feel the agony of those blistering flames

The nightmares, they never leave me for long
Their cold touch still visits my soul
So I hide away and put on another mask
And pretend again, that nothing is really wrong

Because of this, I push away from the love
Because past love only pushed me away
With these scars I am forced to carry
Some I loved rubbed salt into my wounds

Nobody tries to know the man left inside
As he shares his thoughts with his words
Hiding in the fantasy of stories yet untold
Because in this secret word I feel safe

This is the world I share with you now
With so many poems and stories still to tell
Without them, I fear I would be nothing
You bless me when you come visiting to read

So I thank you more than you will ever know
You are the candle light in my darkness
And I continue to write just for your eyes
You bring the best out of this hiding man


copyright Chris Smith 10th November 2009